I Can Be Kind to Animals

My dad teaches primary in the family ward here. (A great example of how there are no small callings, because my dad is amazing and could be serving anywhere in the ward, but he loves his little class!) The lesson last week was "I Can Be Kind to Animals," and it was all about how Heavenly Father created animals and how He loves them and so we should also love them and treat them with kindness. Towards the end of the lesson, the manual prompts the teacher to ask the students to share if they have pets and give examples of how they treat them with kindness. After all the predictable "I pet my dog, etc." answers, my dad called on a little girl who had her hand stretched so high in the air she looked like she was about to take off from her seat. She explained that her family used to have 3 fish. "Ah, fish huh? That's great, and how did you treat your fish?" my dad asked. She replied, "Well, the first one died the second day we got it. Then one day my mom was cleaning out the fish bowl and the second one escaped and fell down the kitchen drain. And the third one died because we forgot to feed it and so we flushed it down the toilet."

I miss teaching Primary SO much! Quirky little kids are the best and I miss my weekly dose of laughter. At least I still have a funny 10 year old sister, who used to be much more amusing but still gets us rolling once in awhile. A few weeks ago, I overheard her whining that our dog had just licked her face. My mom told her to knock it off, that dogs had the cleanest mouths of all animals and that she would be just fine. My sister paused for a moment and then replied emphatically, "But Mom! I've seen Candy lick her own Butt!" Haha! The wisdom of children...

Woodchucks Chucking Wood

I wish that I could be an amazing "bloggist" but I just am not. I should write more. I'll try to write more. Since my last post, I have started school and now the quarter is almost over. I am kicking major butt in my classes and am getting great grades. Unfortunately, I still have some slacker in me and my class attendance and diligence in reading all required textbooks chapters has waned considerably since the beginning of the term. But my grades haven't suffered from it, I am just not learning as much. I think I would rather be a little dumber and a harder worker than smart and lazy. I also got a job a month ago at Office Depot. It's been interesting working again, and working there in particular. I'll try and devote a whole post to it later. I'm still lacking in a social life...now I can't even get my married friends to hang out with me. But I'm busy with school and work so I don't miss having friends very much unless I make the mistake of reading old journals or e-mails from when I was in my social prime. The main problem with not having friends is that my mom is the only one I can vent to when I'm feeling a little down, but my mother is not able to take my venting in stride and I find out later from my dad that everytime I talk to her, she is unable to sleep for weeks because she is so worried about me. She thinks my life is way worse than I do. Just one more reason why I should use this forum as a place to vent instead of going to my mom. The computer doesn't internalize and blow my bad moods out of proportion. Anyways, I was just sitting here killing time so the water heater could do it's job so that I can take a warm shower before Church and I thought I'd do a quick little update here. I'll try to come back soon.

Goals:

I recently turned 23 and woke up the morning of my birthday feeling a little down. It seems to me that I am WAY behind where I should be at this point in my life, and I had a few "woe is me, I am a failure" moments. Luckily in Church the next day I had the epiphany that I have inherent worth because I am a daughter of God. Which sounds cheesy when typed out like that, but it really did make me feel better.

I've decided that 23 is going to be a good year. I am going to get good grades and have proof on paper that I am a smart, capable student. I am going to keep going to the gym on a regular basis and by doing so lose weight and have some confidence again. I really hate feeling like I don't look people in the eye anymore because I am ashamed and sure that they only see a fat girl, which is probably true. But I can do something about it, so I will. I am going to get a job, even if it's a crappy job that only pays $8 an hour and use my money wisely and pay off old debts. I am going to keep reading my scriptures everyday, or close to it. I've discovered that I actually like reading them if I do it during the day instead of trying to stuff it in right before I go to sleep. I want to smile more and complain less and stop "seeking out the storms and more fully enjoy the sunlight."

Here are some things that I do have concerns or questions about. I'm just going to throw them out there and try not to dwell on them anymore after this. I don't like saying my prayers. Personal or publicly. I've tried saying them morning and night, out loud or just in my head, I've tried "listening" afterwards but I just never feel like they're going anywhere. I wish I could hire someone else to say them for me. Like I would make a list for this person everyday of things I need, questions I have and things I am grateful for and then they could talk to God for me. And I could give written consent so that God can give them revelation for me and they can just pass it on to me.

Another concern that I have is that sometimes I am really awkward. I don't like small talk. And I have some friends that I have never gotten past the small talk stage with. And one of those friends is a boy here who I was determined to form a close friendship with, so I attempt to barrel through the small talk and in doing so say all kinds of embarrassing things and give out details that he just doesn't need to hear. Ok, to be fair I tend to barf out too many details with all of my friends, but it's different and worse in this case...trust me. Anyways, despite my efforts to get closer to him (or maybe because of them?) I just feel lamer and more uncomfortable around him all the time. On Friday, he called to say he was coming over and my parents decided to leave on a date. I've kept hanging out with him up to this point mostly because my parents are always home when we hang out so they can occupy him most of the time and I can keep lame conversations to a minimum. So they weren't going to be around to buffer and I got more and more nervous until I couldn't take it anymore and started BALLING. My parents left on their date late so they could be with me to greet my friend and ease me into being alone with him.

I've known this kid since high school. He's very sweet and normal and I should be able to get over myself and be good friends with him. I don't "like" him, so that's not the problem. No, I am just awkward to the point that now I'm utterly pathetic and cry at the thought of having to be alone with him. It's so lame and sad that it's funny and I feel ashamed of myself, but can't help laughing as well as I write this.

I really do miss my friends. The ones that I never had to go through a "small talk" stage with. I haven't met anyone like that in a very long time and it makes me sad.

One last question, yesterday in Sunday School, the lesson was on Hosea (which to me is worse than Revelations and Isaiah so I got almost nothing from the lesson.) The one thing I did understand is that there are simile's and there are metephors in this book of the Old Testament. But I do not know how to spell either "simile" or "metephor" so that is my first question. My second question is what the heck is the difference between the two? Because my class and my teacher said there was a difference, but the examples of both seemed the same to me. It was as I was pondering these questions that I decided to add something to my "List" that I made in Young Women of qualities required in my future husband. He must be able to answer my random questions. Or at least give off an air of being smart enough to answer most of them. It's very important to me, more important than looks or the ability to fix a car.

Well, have a good day. That is for anyone who reads this post, and if no one does...then it's for me. =)

Colors pg. 24

My skin is kind of sort of brownish
Pinkish yellowish white.
My eyes are greyish blueish green.
But I'm told they look orange in the night.
My hair is reddish blondish brown,
But it's silver when it's wet.
And all the colors I am inside
Have not been invented yet.
--Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends--

Morning After Deletion

I like that you can delete old posts. I always go back and read my journals and cringe because I just am not that good of a writer. I was feeling especially overdramatic when I created this blog and wrote an embarassingly lame post. But, no harm done. I got my catharsis and then got to delete it so no one will ever read it.