Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm Baaaaack!

Ok, it's time to start writing again. Maybe. I can't actually promise I'll be consistent, but I have some things I just have to say so here's at least one entry for now...

1. I have a deep, dark secret I need to get off of my chest. Lean in so I don't have to say it very loudly...(and if you tell anyone and they ask me about it later, I'll deny it without batting an eye) I have an account that I pay to renew each month. I don't pay to keep the account because it has resulted in me actually talking to anyone. Basically I keep it for entertainment because it reminds me of my favorite boardgame in the entire universe,


This game is from 1991 and consists of hundreds of cards. The front of the cards have pictures of people of all sizes, genders, races and ages. Since the pictures were all taken in the late '80s and early '90s and they seriously are of just regular, real people from the streets of random cities, you can only imagine how hilarious they are. The backs of the cards have answers to interview questions the people were given. Childhood nickname, secret fantasy, etc. etc. My roommate in Utah resurrected this game from the Goodwill pile at our apartment complex, and we abandoned the rules of the game and instead spent night after night with our other roommates and guy friends choosing the awesomest cards in the bunch to show each other and laugh about.

So yeah, ldssingles is totally like that game. I've found myself addicted to scrolling through all the pages of pictures and profiles that are on that website. There are lots of normal, everyday people on there and since I'm totally voyeuristic I get some entertainment out of looking at those, but holy crap there are also a TON of crazy people on that website. I've been laughing and laughing at some of the pictures and crazy things that people have put on there. And I wonder what conclusions people who look at my profile come to about me.

2. I've now upped my "number" to 3. Well, 2 1/2 really. His name was Jon, and it was quite the soap opera. But that's a story for another day. I just wanted to say that having a fling was totally fun, and I don't think I'm sorry it happened, but now that it's over (my choice, well his too I guess, but really mine) I'm left more lonely and wanting than I was before. Maybe not dating for years and years isn't so bad, since after a while you just get used to being single. But you can't find someone significant without going through some insigificant people first, and those insignificant people just make your need to find the significant one even greater. I think I'm rambling, but oh well. I'm out of practice with the whole blog thing. (P.S. the number I'm referring to is kissing partners, so get your mind out of the gutters people!) (P.P.S. I know, I know - 26 years old and only 2 1/2 people I've kissed. Pathetic. Oh well, lol)

3. I'm no longer in the mansion. I like the new place muchly, but I miss Jessie. I'm also feeling a little restless with my life. I'm contemplating moving again, especially since my parents and 2 sisters are abandoning me for Houston in a few months so my ties to Vancouver will become limited. Right now I'm most tempted to move to North Carolina a. because my favorite cousin and his wife who is just one of my favorite people period live there and I want to be near them and b. because the wife promises that I'll be able to find lots of dating opportunities. Which I am not ashamed to admit I'm looking for.

4. Wow, I didn't know this whole entry would turn into a "All roads lead to Rome" type of post. Except here it's "All Roads Lead to Jessica Being Single and Not Liking It Much".
Hm, what else can I write? Oh, I know! I don't want to write it all out again, but for your viewing pleasure, I'm going to copy and paste a google chat convo I had with my good friend Robbie describing the most bizarre experience I've ever had in a work setting. It has NOTHING to do with me being single, so it's a good way to end this post. Enjoy!

me: oh, i have a story for you if you're interested
i really should post it on my blog, but i think i've retired

Robbie: oh no
well yeah i want to hear the story for sure

me: now?

Robbie: yes

me: ok so...
Last week at work was SUPER stressful and I was in a bad mood pretty much all day everyday. I was snapping at rude coworkers and not being as friendly/talkative with patients as usual, and just in general hated everyday. So on Friday afternoon, my manager called me into her office. She had me close the door and sit down and then said she'd noticed I hadn't been my usual self that week. I immediately agreed with her and began to explain why. But she interrupted me.

To ask if I was about to start menstruating.

I told her I didn't think so. So then she asked if my depression was acting up (I made the mistake of telling her I had depression once and I'll never live that one down)

Robbie: haha she sounds very impertinent

me: I assured her that my pissiness did not extend beyond work hours and that I'd actually been very happy in my personal life.

me: Oh, you have no idea. Side note, she's told my coworkers they a. need to lose 100 lbs b. are unfit to be mothers and c. should hurry up and get married and lie about the due date so no one judges them...yeah.

Robbie: i like her

me: Anyways, I started to list all the (totally valid) reasons why work was stressful that week and yet again I was interrupted. This time she leaned forward, put her hand on the desk and looked earnestly into my eyes, and then said,

"Jessica, this is between you and me and I'm only saying it because you are a fellow Latter Day Saint. Sometimes we get into a 'mood' that lasts days or even weeks. We start to wonder what's wrong with us, and blame ourselves. But Jessica, I want to assure you of something -

Robbie: haha i can't wait for this

me: Satan is very real, and there are REAL evil spirits roaming this earth, and they will choose people to attach themselves to. I fear that this is happening in your case. I want you to know that you absolutely have the right to go to the temple and pray, and command these spirits to leave you. And they will. There is nothing wrong with YOU. We just are too quick to dismiss when this happens as a bad mood or a flaw on our part. But this is NOT from a father in heaven who loves you. It is evil spirits who have attached themselves to you."

Robbie: hahahaha

me: Yeah, so apparently i'm totally possessed, but only at work

Robbie: that is so much better than i expected. oh of course that happened

holy crap
she was DEAD serious
and then she repeated a version of that speech 2 more times
and kept telling me to go to the temple

Robbie: haha. i like that she repeated it

me: finally i was just like, "wow, thank you. You've really given me a lot to think about."

Robbie: hahaha
oh man
so great

me: =) I thought you'd like that one. I haven't been to the temple yet, but now at least i know it's an option for my possessed self.

Robbie: haha. you probably should

me: yeah, for more reasons than that
so bizarre

Robbie: haha yeah. i love that so much. This lady is comic gold

me: you have NO idea
you would DIE if you saw her
she's 65 and wears a pants suit and high pointy heels everyday
her make up is absolutely CAKED on
but the BEST part about her is that she wears her bangs in a huge bouffant style and has a PONYTAIL WIG that attaches to the top of her real hair and then drapes down the side of her face and ends just above her stomach


Oh dear, I really shouldn't post that story on here. I'm crossing my fingers that no one who shouldn't reads it. But it's too bizarre and hilarious NOT to post. Oh well, if I get fired then I'll really be free to move across the country, right? Right!!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Life Update

Well I'm sorry about that last (apparently totally unacceptable) post. Haha. I know I'm a huge blog-slacker on BOTH of my blogs, but it's hard to feel like you have any good material when you don't have husbands or cute kids to talk about all the time. Here's an update on the life of a single, female, 25 year old student...

The "Boy" I talked about in my "I suck at accepting compliments" post disappeared. Well, not by his choice. He tried to call me and text me once more after the whole Hey Beautiful fiasco, but I just never responded. I maybe, might have not responded because his voice was high pitched and weird sounding. I know, I'm totally judgmental and rude but hey, that's my prerogative!

I am now attending what was supposed to be my last semester of college but I absolutely hated one of my classes so I dropped it. That means I'll still have 6 weeks after this semester, but it's just one class so I'm not too worried about it. Honestly the idea of not being in school anymore freaks me out a little which I was not expecting. But with graduation comes real adulthood, and student loan debt! I'm not even really sure if I'll be able to find a good job but I'll figure it all out I guess.

I'm still living in the mansion and watching Jessie. I'm also still T.A.'ing and working at the Physical Therapy Office. Now I watch my friends' 4 month old every Friday too. And I'm the choir director in church. The truth is that all of these things are VERY, VERY part time, but I secretly really love listing them all off, preferably without taking a breath, because it makes people think I'm some sort of super-woman who can take the whole world on successfully. Really though, I'm still the same old, lazy, slacker-ish Jess I've always been. I'm just better at disguising it now.

I have officially begun attending the single's ward again. Surprisingly it's been much better this time around. Going to a counselor MUST have been at least a little helpful, because I find that I'm not nearly as socially anxious as I used to be. I've been able to talk to several new people comfortably. One guy even asked for my number, and he wasn't even mentally retarded! I've eye-balled a couple of boys who seem cute and normal so maybe I'll try being bold and manipulate one or more of them into asking me out on dates. I fully realize that it's stupid and lame to mention the single's ward and then dating prospects in the same paragraph, but I'm not gonna lie, meeting boys is the only reason I switched. I'm now officially One of Those Mormon Girls on the hunt for a man...a walking cliche. But whatev.

Speaking of boys, I am madly in love with one. It's the feet guy from the last post. He's been causing all sorts of drama in my life for the last few months without meaning to. He is one of my best friends, sometimes THE best friend. He's good and smart and fun and even good-looking. So what's the problem? There's only two:

One. He's not Mormon. Don't judge me, it's not a problem for's a problem for him. He knows lots of us silly LDS people, and he's aware of the whole "if you don't get married in the temple, you're only married 'til death do you part" belief we have, and since he has no intention of becoming Mormon himself he would never even think of trying to date me because he's so noble and crap. Gag.

Two. I have, yet again, firmly entrenched myself in "friend mode" with the kid. (I totally suffer from Buddy-itis, and have for many years. If any of you find a pill to cure it, send it my way please.) He's not attracted to me one iota as far as I can tell. And ok, I realize that I'm far from a perfect 10 on the looks scale, but I think I'm cute enough for him. Maybe. Besides that though, I'm everything he's ever wanted in a girl. I know it because, as one of his best friends, it's been my pleasure to listen to him discuss everything he's looking for in a future love interest. But for some reason, he just only sees me as his friend. One of his closest, and probably THE best girl friend, but that's all. I tried to have "the talk" with him last weekend and worked myself up to just flat out tell him how I feel. It didn't really work out the way I planned though. I at LEAST said enough stuff that hinted at my true feelings that he'd have to be a COMPLETE MORON not to know what's been going on with me, but he's still pretending that he has no idea why I've been acting all crazy and jealous and yes, even a little clingy, lately. So I guess I just have to re-train my brain and heart to be content with our friendship (which I'm TOTALLY grateful for) because I guess it's never going to be anything more.

Boo, that was depressing. I'll end on a better note that's related to loving that boy. So, if you read my Story blog, you'll know that I haven't had the best luck at trying to woo boys using food. But my friend was having a really bad day right before Christmas, so I decided to anonymously take him some delicious cookies. Of COURSE he would figure out that they were from me and it would carve out a little space in his heart for me, right? Wrong.

First I made the cookies. They were peanut-butter cookies with Hershey's kisses stuck on top when they came out of the oven. I used a recipe I hadn't ever tried before and I'm not gonna lie, the cookies were not as delicious as I had hoped for. But I figured he wouldn't be picky (plus I was too lazy to mix up another batch of dough) so I decided to forge ahead with the plan anyway. I took my sister with me to his house and made her place a plateful of cookies on his doorstep. They were covered in foil, and I had written "Merry Christmas" on the foil. We drove away, me with a big smile on my face thinking how happy it made me to perform anonymous service. Even if he didn't figure out it was me who had done it, the warm fuzzy feeling would be enough reward for me!

Several hours later, I got a text message from him about, well I don't remember what about but it didn't involve cookies. We started talking via text and eventually he wrote, "Hey, did you leave some cookies on my doorstep earlier today?" YES! My plan was working! I replied, "Well, I might have done that, yes." I sent the message and giddily waited for his text message which would be full of gratitude for the cookies, but even more for my kind heart and maybe then he'd tell me that this gesture made him realize his True Feelings for me and that he was coming over right away with some flowers and love poems I had inspired.

"Oh, well stuff left on our doorstep without a name on it makes my mom really nervous." is what appeared on the screen of my phone instead.

"Oh, so you haven't eaten any of them?"

"Nope, but I'll go ahead and have one now."

"Uh, I'm sorry. Yeah, they're from me. Make sure that your mom and brother get some too. I'm so sorry I didn't put my name on them but I promise they're safe to eat."

Now I was just embarrassed. The cookies weren't even that good in the first place, and now they were all stale because his mom thought some weirdo had left poisoned treats on her doorstep.

"Um, are these peanut butter cookies?"

"Yeah they are."

"Oh, well my brother is allergic to peanuts. But thanks."

STRIKE THREE. I may have well left poisoned cookies on his doorstep, since eating just one would have swelled his brother's throat shut and killed him. That probably wouldn't have helped my chances of marrying my friend at all.

Ay ay ay. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I'm totally screwed because I'm racking up a TERRIBLE track record with attempts to make sweet treats for boys I'm interested in.

Ha, I think I'm really funny. All right, I'll end here. I'll try to update this thing more often but I'm not making any promises. You all haven't been writing as much as you used to either though, so don't get too snippity with me (a-hem, Jeanette!) lol. Good night!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

It's a Sign

How do I know it's true love? We sit with our feet in the same weird position without even realizing it!