Thursday, January 31, 2008

Weird Mood

Is it strange for me to feel like I really do have a testimony but not be able to explain why or exactly what it consists of? Because that's how I feel. I guess that sounds like I'm just a blind follower or somewhat dimwitted and lazy. The lazy part I can't disagree with. It's something I'm working on, both spiritually and in other aspects of my life. A month or two ago I was so confused and tired with every aspect of my life, including religion, that I was on the verge of just walking away from everything about my lifestyle which largely revolves around church practices and teachings. I have a few friends who have done just that, some pretty recently. Some things happened to switch my path in a direction leading back towards the Church and I don't regret it, but sometimes I look at that other path leading away with a lot of curiosity.

I have many thoughts related to the first paragraph, but they are not really coherent so I'll stop there. Do you know the reason why I want to get married? (Well besides the obvious "it's nice to love and be loved" and "sex is fun" stuff, haha.) Mostly it's because I miss having really good conversations on a regular basis. My imagined future spouse will be very smart and entertaining and an amazing conversationalist who will listen to me and give me good things to listen to and he will give me insights to the world and to myself on a regular basis. I have had friends who are like this, but the difference between a friend and a spouse is that one is stuck with me and is available on a daily basis while friends (even the best ones) tend to come and go as much as I don't want them to. My preconceived notions about marriage don't include stuff like "we'll never fight" or "it will be so wonderful and easy" but instead I imagine (probably falsely) that we will at least always find each other interesting.

The funniest thing I've seen in months and months was when I was driving to the movie theater 2 weeks ago on a 2-lane country road and saw in the oncoming lane a little old hunched man in a motorized wheelchair pushing the forward switch with one hand while eating popcorn with the other. He was smack-dab in the middle of the lane and couldn't have been moving faster than 7 mph and there were 6 cars and trucks backed up behind him, but by golly he was enjoying the scenery and the popcorn and just did not give a damn about anyone else on the road. After I passed him I watched in the rearview mirror as all 6 cars and trucks zoomed around him and I laughed and laughed the rest of the way to the theater. Life sometimes throws the BEST things at you when you least expect it!