My friend Cortney told me about a new blog today and I just spent the last 2 hours reading it from beginning to end. I highly recommend it...just link to it from my list over there on the right side of the page ------> it's the "Cordy" one.
Now I'm being bombarded with all of these old memories of when I used to be madly in love with my good friend and how wonderful and awful it was. He's long since gotten married and we never even talk anymore, but it's kind of fun remembering how much a part of each other's lives we used to be.
Reading it also makes me motivated to keep losing weight, except it's for all the wrong reasons. I recently started Weight Watchers (for I think the 7th time), and so far I'm on week 3 which is 2 weeks longer than I've made it before. I feel like it's going to be different this time and that in 6 months from now I'll be a whole new me, but I've felt like that before. I wonder what makes the difference and how I can make it stick this time. I'm tired of feeling so unconfident just because of the way that I look. I want to lose weight to have energy and to be healthier, blah blah blah...but there's a secret (well, I guess not THAT secret, since I'm posting it now for the world to see) part of me that actually doesn't care about all that crap and is just convinced that the only thing keeping me single is 50 (or so) extra pounds and THAT is why I want to lose weight.
I don't want any comments about how I'm being irrational and unrealistic. Or pity compliments. The fact is that I've seen and heard about too many girls who go from size xl to s and then magically boys start looking in their direction all the time. And I've heard that it's more about confidence then about size, but apparently I don't know how to get the confidence without being the right size.
Once the weight comes off (if it actually does this time), then I'll see if I still have nothing even closely resembling a love life and reassess what's keeping the men away at that point.
Sorry this post sounds a little pathetic and bitter. It's just how I feel all the time, but try not to talk about it too much BECAUSE I know how it sounds and I hate the reactions I get from those I vent to. I promise, promise, promise that I am really pretty content in my life right now. I just feel like this is the final missing puzzle piece before, well I don't know what. I know that my journey is far from over, but I feel like it came to a crossroads last year at this time and I took a path that has lead me to this point and now another crossroads is approaching and I'd like to be able to take a path that continues to lead towards progress and good things.
It's nights like this that I miss having roommates to talk to. I miss those late-night talks that start silly and fun and then as the hours pass by, we all let down our guard and allow the most hidden parts of ourselves to surface just for a little while, and we know that it's safe to do so. Sometimes living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be.
=)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
A Little Slice of Heaven
I walked from my apartment to my parent's house today and brought my camera with me so I could give you all a little taste of how amazing the NW is. I love Autumn in Ridgefield!
Now, don't run too fast to buy your plane tickets to visit me...I can only house so many people at a time. ;-)
Now, don't run too fast to buy your plane tickets to visit me...I can only house so many people at a time. ;-)
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Good Day
I wish I had my camera with me today because it was a picture-worthy day, but I haven't had one of those in a while so the battery had run down on the camera. (Sad when you don't use something for so long that that happens!) It's especially a bummer because I finally got a Canon again, which I love (don't EVER let someone convince you a Panasonic is better because they are lying!), and the trees here are such pretty colors right now and I know my camera would have taken beautiful shots.
Anyways, this post is bound to be boring but I just wanted to record that it was a good day for posterity's sake. My bff Mel is in a science class called something like Freshwater Fish of the Pacific Northwest (awesome right?) and she had to go on a field trip, and I volunteered to go with her. She got nervous for some reason and lied to her teacher and said I was visiting from SLC and that's why I had to come along. It was silly because her teacher obviously didn't care AND other students brought people too. In the parking lot before we left, this kid with a huge beard and really long hair and grungy clothes and one of those silly hats with the ear-flaps and yarn hanging down started talking to Mel and I about how his death-metal band was getting ready to go on tour. I made Mel escape to her car with me in an attempt to discourage anyone from riding with us, but a few minutes later, death-metal kid and a tall, skinny, shy kid knocked on my window and asked if they could ride with us. Mel said yes with her fakest nice voice and we gave each other A Look of Oh No.
Boy were we surprised to find out that the two boys were actually super awesome! Death-metal's real name was Josh and the other one was Eric. Josh was really a sweetheart and talkative and told us all about his travels in Germany. Him and I made a special connection as we discussed our mutual love of Ben Folds (+ 5), Counting Crows and The Postal Service. Eric was one of those great people who you think might be really boring, but actually they just wait to say something until they have something worth saying, so everytime he talked it was really funny or great. Plus, he thought Mel and I were hilarious and we decided long ago that is 90% of the battle in becoming our friend.
The field trip was to the dam in the Columbia River Gorge. I LOVE the Gorge SOOOO much, and it was especially gorgeous today because so many of the trees were yellow and red and orange, and even the green ones seemed especially vivid. We observed salmon in a stream and Eric pointed out that most of them looked like zombie fish, because apparently freshwater isn't good for adult salmon plus their trip up the Columbia from the Pacific Ocean is really hard on them anyways, so they had random flaps of flesh that were hanging off of their bodies. We also got a tour of the dam, which was surprisingly interesting. Our tour guide was NOT interesting, however, and maybe even a little scary. She was very soft-spoken and monotone, but not in a relaxing way. More of a "wow this lady has some pent up stuff going on and I'm pretty sure if anything makes her upset she will go totally postal on us" type of way.
Mel and I parted ways with our new bff's at the end of the field trip and then we went to a cool new restaurant and then to her house to hang out and talk as only Mel and Jessica can until 6:30. I love Mel, and even though sometimes we bug each other as only best-friends-who-are-as-close-as-sisters can, I don't know what I'd do without her!
I could have stayed and talked to Mel all night, but I had to leave because my friend Grant had invited me to go to a random concert with him. It was a Celtic-Folk band and they were playing in this awesome little venue in the heart of downtown Ridgefield. (Ridgefield is where I currently reside and downtown is one of those quaint little Mayberry-ish towns that make you feel like you've gone back in time everytime you're there. I love it.) The venue was packed, and I'm pretty sure Grant and I were the only people younger than 50 there. The band is called Molly's Revenge and has four members in it...a bearded, white-haired old man, and 3 younger guys...one who rocks the whole retro look that's in right now, a Hot Bald Guy (man, when it's done right, bald TOTALLY rocks my world!), and last but not least a short little hyperactive man who I swear is at least 1/4 leprechaun.
The songs they played used various awesome instruments, including BAGPIPES, which I thought I would hate but actually they sounded amazing in the genre of music these guys did. The audience was jazzed, the band had way good energy, Grant is good company and the music was really fun so all-in-all it was a toe-tappingly awesome time. The best part about it was that the leprechaun man was BURSTING with enthusiasm and he was totally rocking out while he played, whether he was playing drums or a pied-piperish flute or the bagpipes. He made me want to get up and dance a little jig. He was so hyperactive that at the end of the show, his entire shirt except the bottom 3 inches were soaked in sweat, and I don't even know how this is possible, but the sweat had started to pool on top of iteslf in the middle of his back. I know that sounds gross, but since he was such a cute little hyper man who loved his music so much that he could not contain it, it was actually kind of endearing.
So there's my day. I think I just really liked it because it was different from my normal routine. I did two things (fish-observing and celtic-band listening) that I never thought I'd enjoy and ended up really liking them both. Also I was with good company all day.
Oh, the icing on the cake is that when I came home I went into the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror, I took in my rosy cheeks and bright eyes and was able to admit to myself that I looked quite fetching. I don't feel that way often, but I appreciate it when I do.
If you've made it through this "journal" type post, bless you. I hope everyone is healthy and happy. I'm feeling the love tonight and want to spread it around. (In a good way, not in a herpes way, haha.)
Happy Sunday everyone!
Anyways, this post is bound to be boring but I just wanted to record that it was a good day for posterity's sake. My bff Mel is in a science class called something like Freshwater Fish of the Pacific Northwest (awesome right?) and she had to go on a field trip, and I volunteered to go with her. She got nervous for some reason and lied to her teacher and said I was visiting from SLC and that's why I had to come along. It was silly because her teacher obviously didn't care AND other students brought people too. In the parking lot before we left, this kid with a huge beard and really long hair and grungy clothes and one of those silly hats with the ear-flaps and yarn hanging down started talking to Mel and I about how his death-metal band was getting ready to go on tour. I made Mel escape to her car with me in an attempt to discourage anyone from riding with us, but a few minutes later, death-metal kid and a tall, skinny, shy kid knocked on my window and asked if they could ride with us. Mel said yes with her fakest nice voice and we gave each other A Look of Oh No.
Boy were we surprised to find out that the two boys were actually super awesome! Death-metal's real name was Josh and the other one was Eric. Josh was really a sweetheart and talkative and told us all about his travels in Germany. Him and I made a special connection as we discussed our mutual love of Ben Folds (+ 5), Counting Crows and The Postal Service. Eric was one of those great people who you think might be really boring, but actually they just wait to say something until they have something worth saying, so everytime he talked it was really funny or great. Plus, he thought Mel and I were hilarious and we decided long ago that is 90% of the battle in becoming our friend.
The field trip was to the dam in the Columbia River Gorge. I LOVE the Gorge SOOOO much, and it was especially gorgeous today because so many of the trees were yellow and red and orange, and even the green ones seemed especially vivid. We observed salmon in a stream and Eric pointed out that most of them looked like zombie fish, because apparently freshwater isn't good for adult salmon plus their trip up the Columbia from the Pacific Ocean is really hard on them anyways, so they had random flaps of flesh that were hanging off of their bodies. We also got a tour of the dam, which was surprisingly interesting. Our tour guide was NOT interesting, however, and maybe even a little scary. She was very soft-spoken and monotone, but not in a relaxing way. More of a "wow this lady has some pent up stuff going on and I'm pretty sure if anything makes her upset she will go totally postal on us" type of way.
Mel and I parted ways with our new bff's at the end of the field trip and then we went to a cool new restaurant and then to her house to hang out and talk as only Mel and Jessica can until 6:30. I love Mel, and even though sometimes we bug each other as only best-friends-who-are-as-close-as-sisters can, I don't know what I'd do without her!
I could have stayed and talked to Mel all night, but I had to leave because my friend Grant had invited me to go to a random concert with him. It was a Celtic-Folk band and they were playing in this awesome little venue in the heart of downtown Ridgefield. (Ridgefield is where I currently reside and downtown is one of those quaint little Mayberry-ish towns that make you feel like you've gone back in time everytime you're there. I love it.) The venue was packed, and I'm pretty sure Grant and I were the only people younger than 50 there. The band is called Molly's Revenge and has four members in it...a bearded, white-haired old man, and 3 younger guys...one who rocks the whole retro look that's in right now, a Hot Bald Guy (man, when it's done right, bald TOTALLY rocks my world!), and last but not least a short little hyperactive man who I swear is at least 1/4 leprechaun.
The songs they played used various awesome instruments, including BAGPIPES, which I thought I would hate but actually they sounded amazing in the genre of music these guys did. The audience was jazzed, the band had way good energy, Grant is good company and the music was really fun so all-in-all it was a toe-tappingly awesome time. The best part about it was that the leprechaun man was BURSTING with enthusiasm and he was totally rocking out while he played, whether he was playing drums or a pied-piperish flute or the bagpipes. He made me want to get up and dance a little jig. He was so hyperactive that at the end of the show, his entire shirt except the bottom 3 inches were soaked in sweat, and I don't even know how this is possible, but the sweat had started to pool on top of iteslf in the middle of his back. I know that sounds gross, but since he was such a cute little hyper man who loved his music so much that he could not contain it, it was actually kind of endearing.
So there's my day. I think I just really liked it because it was different from my normal routine. I did two things (fish-observing and celtic-band listening) that I never thought I'd enjoy and ended up really liking them both. Also I was with good company all day.
Oh, the icing on the cake is that when I came home I went into the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror, I took in my rosy cheeks and bright eyes and was able to admit to myself that I looked quite fetching. I don't feel that way often, but I appreciate it when I do.
If you've made it through this "journal" type post, bless you. I hope everyone is healthy and happy. I'm feeling the love tonight and want to spread it around. (In a good way, not in a herpes way, haha.)
Happy Sunday everyone!
Saturday, October 04, 2008
=)
So Reno-911 is on and I just heard a new insult.
Small-Balls.
How have I never heard or thought of this one before? It's so funny!
(Or maybe it's just late at night after a long week and I'm a little loopy.)
On a completely unrelated note, we had a good old-fashioned NW downpour today for the first time in months, and surprisingly it made me really happy. Confession: I stood in my driveway with my head back and my tongue out for like 5 minutes just tasting the rain, and it was delicious!
The rain also made me a little sad because it made me REALLY want a special someone to get drenched with while we shared some sweet kisses in the rain. Come on all you normal, smart, fun, good conversationalist, single guys...where are you hiding? I'm ready for you to come and get me now. And don't pretend you're not interested...I know you want me. How could you resist my fabulousness? So stop being such Small-Ballses and find me already!
Small-Balls.
How have I never heard or thought of this one before? It's so funny!
(Or maybe it's just late at night after a long week and I'm a little loopy.)
On a completely unrelated note, we had a good old-fashioned NW downpour today for the first time in months, and surprisingly it made me really happy. Confession: I stood in my driveway with my head back and my tongue out for like 5 minutes just tasting the rain, and it was delicious!
The rain also made me a little sad because it made me REALLY want a special someone to get drenched with while we shared some sweet kisses in the rain. Come on all you normal, smart, fun, good conversationalist, single guys...where are you hiding? I'm ready for you to come and get me now. And don't pretend you're not interested...I know you want me. How could you resist my fabulousness? So stop being such Small-Ballses and find me already!
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Makeover!
So my sister Kelsey is in beauty school and yesterday she had to take her practical exam for eyebrows/makeup. My eyebrows were looking pretty nasty, so I volunteered to be her "model." Here's the results...
BEFORE:
...
...
AFTER:
She's like a frickin' miracle worker, no?
BEFORE:
...
...
AFTER:
She's like a frickin' miracle worker, no?
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