Age Barrier

Well, I may officially be the lamest girl ever now. I've been hanging out with kids who range from being 2 to 7 years younger than me...and I'm totally having a fun time doing it! I need to stop making comments about how old I am though because I don't think they even notice. I'm just a little self conscious that some of these kids are YOUNGER than kids I used to babysit. But I can either only hang out with married people, spend a lot of time alone, or suck it up and get over preconcieved notions I have about age barriers and just have fun with some new friends.



I continue to feel a lasting change within myself. I laugh more and talk more and love myself more everyday. I need to kick my own butt into gear and go to the gym more often so I can feel good inside AND out, but I'm definitely not ungrateful for the inner confidence I've found again. It's amazing how depression and opposition tell you such lies about who you are and what your gifts and talents are. The lies are louder than all the truths told to you by your loved ones. I have felt a little lost for years now, but while in the midst of it I didn't even realize how much of the old me had disappeared. Don't get me wrong, there is still progress to be made and also maintenance is the hardest thing for me but I really believe that I'm moving in the right direction.




It's good to be back!

It Happened Again...

Another crazy old lady called me yesterday. This one was not a patient and was apparently fully aware that she was calling a physical therapy office (at least she said so when I asked her if she know she had called a physical therapy office.) This lady was calling to ask for help because she is in a wheelchair and a dumpster has been blocking the sidewalk and she was afraid she was going to get hit by a car and killed when wheeling around it. The dumpster was

not at her house

not in front of the office where I work

not on the same side of town where I work

It was behind a Fred Meyer on the other side of town. And she just needed me to help her because it has been a week and a half and nothing has been done. I suggested she call the store. She had. I suggested she find out who owned the business park and call them. She didn't want to. So I suggested she call the police department (NOT 911...I emphasized that at least 3 times because she seemed crazy enough to call 911 over this matter.)

She seemed satisfied with that and finally hung up. And once again I was left staring at the phone in my hands, laughing and laughing. I love crazy people.

Numb What? Spelling Bee

How can you not LOVE this??

Crazy Customer Service

Sometimes customer service jobs are the worst and SO stressful because people are just plain selfish and rude. Other times, the jobs put you in contact with the funniest, craziest people ever! I've had men propose to me (dates, marriage and even one offer just to be the "pretty young thing" on his arm to make him more attractive to an ex). A lot of funny old men tell the silliest jokes ever and laugh and laugh at themselves. Women tell me the weirdest, most personal stories about themselves. One time a lady stopped talking and just screamed into the phone, like for 10 seconds all I heard was a banshee scream. It was hilarious!

Right now I word at a Physical Therapy clinic, and also at an Urgent Care center. Yeah, the Crazies come in force to medical facilities. Mostly I love it because they crack me up. My most recent encounter with a Crazy was yesterday. I was upstairs taking care of medical records stuff on the PT side and I had to answer the phone because the front desk receptionist was on the other line. This old lady was on the other line and our conversation went something like this: (her name has been changed so the HIPAA police don't come and hang me from the ceiling by my toes)

"Thank you for calling Vancouver Rehab, this is Jessica."

"Yes, hello? Oh, hi. This is Pearl Johnson. I don't know why I just told you that, I'm sure you don't care and it doesn't matter for what I need anyways. Ok, this is my physical therapy office, right."

"Yes it is. How can I help you?"

"Well young lady, I need your expertise. I have an important anatomy question and I really need your help or it is just going to ruin the rest of my day. I need to know the word for a body part. At the very end of your spine, on the butt end. You, know the very end and there is a bundle of nerves there except there is no exit for nerve impulses."

-pause, in which I am deciding whether to tell her I have no knowledge of anatomy or not, and also wondering how this relates to her PT-

"And it's called the horse's neck or something like that and I am here with my friends and we're trying and trying to remember the name. Of that place, on the end of the spine that's like a horse. Oh, you just have to tell me the name because you know how it is when you can't remember something that you know you know and it is really upsetting me and I know my whole day is going to be ruined if you don't tell me."

--it finally dawns on me that this call has NOTHING to do with physical therapy, she is just plain crazy and apparently is too old to know what Googling means.--

"Uh, ok can you hold for a minute please?"

I proceeded to walk downstairs, ask 2 PT aides and 1 PT what the scientific name for the butt-end of the spine named after a horse's body part where there are no exits for nerve impulses is. I then walked all the way back upstairs and told the crazy old lady on the phone the word she was looking for. She was very grateful and relieved and hung up without ever mentioning PT appointments or treatments. I hung up and laughed very loud while my coworkers looked on. I am trying to imagine what kind of conversation was taking place between a bunch of old ladies in which it is necessary discuss the cauda equina, especially one in which the actual scientific term was required.

Oh well, talking to her made me happy and also I'm now a little smarter for having had the conversation. =)

To Every Thing There is a Season

My personal theme and one of my goals for the last year or so is to stop being a "THEN I'll be Happy" person. I know I've mentioned it on here before somewhere. "When I start dating..." "When I get married..." "When I'm done with school..." "When I can travel..." etc. etc. I know that I'm not alone in my way of thinking. When we are looking so hard at our imaginary ideal futures, we miss so much good in our current seasons.

I went to Relief Society Enrichment last night and the topic of the night was womanhood (shocker). This theme of seasons and fully embracing each season of womanhood kept coming up and it gave me renewed inspiration to be more optimistic and appreciate the good things about my life right now.

I'm taking a class called Work and Family and it's all about the benefits and struggles of working moms. The professor is really smart and engaging, but her social views are pretty different from mine. And some things she says are REALLY opposite to general opinions about gender held by many Mormons. So it took me by surprise last night when many of the things my professor has discussed in my class came up at the Relief Society meeting. One thing in particular that was repeated almost word for word was how women are taking on too much and forgetting to take time to care for themselves. The analogy of placing your own oxygen mask on before your children in case of emergency on a plane came up both in class and at the meeting last night. I think that all women struggle with this to some degree, especially wives and mothers...finding the balance between total sacrifice and total selfishness because both extremes are unhealthy.

The epiphany I had today while I was thinking about seasons and also about finding balance was this; I am grateful for this time in my life as a young, single woman. I am really grateful that I can afford to be more selfish than most without hurting a husband or even boyfriend or children. If I were not single, I probably would not be able to really take the time to conquer my depression and really learn who I am the way that I have. For some people, having a partner is what helps them through their struggles, but in my case I think I would have been too worried about making them happy, and wallowing in feelings of inadequacy and insecurity to have made as much progress as I have.

It sounds so strange to say I'm grateful that I can be selfish, but I really am. I think it is helping me to be happy right now, and I think it is preparing me for a future when more sacrifice and less selfishness will be necessary. I'll have much more to give, I hope.

Other things about my life RIGHT NOW that I appreciate:
- being friends with my sisters for the first time, especially Skylar
- my really good relationship with my parents
- no rent
- as long as i have the money, i can leave on a roadtrip or on a plane at the drop of a hat
- going to really fun concerts
- it's So You Think You Can Dance season
- my friendships have a depth that they didn't 10 years ago...i'm especially grateful to still be really close to friends that i WAS friends with 10 years ago
- i'm not farsighted yet so i can still read with ease
- there's a LOT of really great music out right now and i appreciate it
- i can sleep 8 hours a night and if i don't it's not because of a crying baby
- i'm not yet too old to still act immaturely sometimes...sometimes it feels good to be a little immature and a lot silly

And the list goes on and on.